The 10 funniest quotes from the Ivor Novello Awards 2015

It’s a very worthy and historic awards ceremony, the Ivor Novellos.

But in its most basic form, it’s a lot of creative people having a drink in the afternoon then speaking into a microphone. You can guess what happens next.

The likes of Ed Sheeran, Elton John, Nicky Wire, Guy Gurvey and Midge Ure delivered the goods at this year’s event – celebrating the best in British songwriting – which was held at the Grosvenor Hotel in London yesterday afternoon.

MBW jotted down the best bits of some of the sharpest, nicest and most scandalous speeches, which you can enjoy below.

But before that… the winners roll call in full:

  • PRS for Music Most Performed Work: Clean Bandit – ‘Rather Be’
  • Album Award: Bombay Bicycle Club – ‘So Long, See You Tomorrow’
  • Best Song Musically and Lyrically: Hozier – ‘Take Me To Church’
  • Best Contemporary Song: Clean Bandit – ‘Rather Be’
  • Songwriter of the Year: Ed Sheeran
  • Outstanding Song Collection: Albert Hammond
  • PRS for Music Outstanding Contribution to British Music: Boy George
  • The Ivors Inspiration Award: Manic Street Preachers
  • The Ivors Special Anniversary Award: Bob Geldof and Midge Ure
  • Lifetime Achievement: Black Sabbath
  • BASCA Fellowship: Annie Lennox
  • Best Original Film Score: ’71
  • Best Television Soundtrack: The Honourable Woman
  • The Ivors Classical Music Award: Judith Weir
  • PRS for Music Special International Award: Paul Williams

And now, for the speeches…

“These awards are very special. I have 15 of the f*cking things.”

“I’m confident This boy next to me will have a career as long as mine. I hope he doesn’t get into half the trouble I got into. He’d have to marry a man and a woman…”

Elton John, handing the songwriter of the year award to ed sheeran

“Thanks to elton for always being very supportive and for sending me really inappropriate emails and videos. I swear to god, they’re weird as sh*t. He sent me one yesterday that was just a dude with a catapult shooting someone into something’s arse.”

Ed Sheeran accepts his gong in style

“Being involved in band aid actually got me a mention on gogglebox. One of the guys turned to his mate and went: ‘Who the f*ck’s that?'”

elbow’s Guy Garvey assesses his mainstream fame

“It’s nice to see so many faces I’ve known for so many years. We share so many stories… none of which I can remember.”

“Someone mentioned earlier that our songs are our babies. There’s truth in that. But it’s not always our most beloved baby that ends up being really good to us.”

Alison Moyet on a songwriter’s burden

“I’m f*cking hammered.”

David holmes. He sincerely was.

“It’s quite unbelievable what you can do with a pretty sh*t song.”

Midge Ure on band aid’s lasting appeal

“The song you write that deserves to be heard, the brilliant piece of work, [people] don’t realise how brilliant it is, and it sits in a drawer. But you write the love boat theme and everybody stands up and screams your name.”

“On march 15 I celebrated 25 years of continuous sobriety… but please, enjoy your drinks. If I could drink I would, but I cannot. It led to unplanned nudity. I’d go into a bar a shetland pony and come out a mustang.”

ASCAP‘s Paul Williams remains firmly on the wagon

“In the ’60s I was a waiter in this hotel. So to all the waiters out there, hang on long enough and you might get one of these…”

Albert hammond gives the coffee pourers hope

“I wish I was as hammered as david holmes.”

“Big thanks to columbia records, we’ve been with them 25 years and they’ve always let us do whatever we f*cking wanted. Sony publishing? I’m not actually sure if we’re still on sony publishing. Our manager hasn’t got a f*cking clue, either.”

“What does it matter? All the f*cking money’s gone anyway.”

The manic street preachers’ Nicky wire wins speech of the day. he also paid tribute to richey edwards and his “beautiful and brilliant mind”, as well as listing figures that have inspired the manics, such as: Kurt Cobain, Dylan Thomas, Karl Marx, Abba, philip larkin, top of the pops and joe calzaghe.

“Andy stinson, my lawyer, introduced me to – at that point – a rather unknown manager called simon fuller. Simon’s been my manager ever since – although rumour has it he has other irons in the fire, much to my chagrin.”

Annie Lennox (pictured) rounds off the afternoon by praising a small time music biz operator

 Music Business Worldwide

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